You'll Be a Song I'll Sing

One of our old neighbor's had a black cocker spaniel mix that was Zilla's girlfriend.  These two dogs loved each other.  Zilla would run up to her back and front porch steps on our walks with the hope that she would come out and play.  He did that for a long time after they moved.  I haven't seen her since 2007 when we went out to a movie together right before she moved back to her family home in Canton.  I hope the email address is still valid!

For birthdays, the most I've ever done is buy a peanut butter cake from Heidi's Bakery in Grandview.  Here is a picture of one of them.  I wanted to bake a cake for Sammy this year but didn't get around to it.  For his Gotcha Day he got a new treat the next day.

The most elaborate thing I've ever done for a pet was for Zilla.  I was on the phone with the emergency vet taking his pulse (and having no idea what I was doing) while taking his temperature at the same time.  I'm thankful the phone was cordless. 

The weekend consisted of several movies and lots of sunshine.

It would have been Zilla's 12th birthday and it was the 1st anniversary of his passing. I thought it would be difficult but it wasn't as hard as I expected. In fact, all it did was highlight the differences between Sammy and Zilla.

• Zilla liked to sleep in during the mornings and especially liked to sleep in with us during the weekend. One of us would get up, put him on the bed, and go about our business. Unless he had to go to the bathroom he was good for a few more hours.


• Sammy was up early and jumping around the bedroom until he was taken out.


• Zilla understood the phrase "mine" and knew he was supposed to leave the food alone.


• Sammy snagged half of a Potbelly roast beef sandwich from the middle of the dining room table then used the Lowe's ad it was sitting on as a napkin when we were out of sight.

I don't have one particular favorite smell.

I do love the smell of the dryer running. When I lived in the co-ed dorms the dryer vents were located by one of the side stairs into the building. I suppose it reminds me of fall days when the air is just starting to turn crisp. Even in the last apartment I would be transported to me at the age of 18 or 19 walking by those vents.

It wasn't until this year's Ohio Corgi picnic that I learned Zilla's smell was not unique to him. Dogs sweat through their feet and I thought his feet smelled like frito's. Corn chips and popcorn are common smells when the food is corn-based. I never went around smelling his paws though. I can't describe his smell, though. It's a dog smell but not sour or dirty.

Today is the Ohio Corgi Picnic Day. No, we're not disgusting and eat Corgis. We celebtate them! Several states have a get together each year. Money raised through items and silent auctions goes to CorgiAid. They provide grants to rescuers and adoptees of homeless corgis who need medical attention to find their forever homes. They also have a cart program for Corgis that need help in their later years.

One of the Mansfield area ladies breeds Cardigans. She has a 4-year-old girl who loves kids that I thought I might take home one day. The perfect home has been found, though. A family with a diabetic young boy had a pup that would be sweet and gentle then go Cujo on everyone but the boy the next minute. Upon this breeder's advice they put the puppy down. He had a brain tumor that made him act this way. The Cardigan girl is going to this family. She has experience with children with medical needs. The breeder described her as watching the kids from the window wondering when they were going to visit her. The breeder has an older fellow (he's 8) she's decided not to breed because of his bite. If I recall correctly, a Cardigan breeder passed away last year (or the year before) and his dozen dogs were dispersed around the US. This dog is one of them. I'm not sure I want to get a dog that's that old. I've been thinking 2 to 4 would be good.

The picnic today may be hard. It's the 9th annual picnic. Zilla and I attended four or five of them together. There's a female who comes every year that has the same eyeliner as Zilla. Few Corgis have it.

The first milestone I wanted for Zilla was his 11th birthday which he made and this picnic was the second milestone. He would have been in complete remission if he were going to the picnic.

Zilla didn't mind or pay attention to the other dogs at the picnic. It was always me he had his eye on - even off leash he would not be far from me.

Today I'll get to play with some puppies that are already spoken for but it should be fun.

We were sent a picture of ~W~. He was kinda squishy looking and we could only see half his face but his parents say he looks like ~C~ but with blonde hair. For now we'll have to take their word for it.

Today was the big day to find out if the home seller was going to remedy the things we asked or try to compromise. She agreed. Yay!

About half of the living room is cleared out. Boxes are starting to pile up in the corner. The estimate I got from Leaders Moving was for 20 boxes of stuff. I may need to get a new estimate.

Last night I went to the skating rink. My WI friend was in town for her sister's high school graduation. Guess where the graduation party was held? The outside looked the same. There were a few cars with parents waiting for their kids. The entry way looked different. A lot of signs about behavior, rules and no weapons allowed. We were waiting in line to get in when my friend found us and we began chatting. The security guard noticed and let us walk right in. It was a little strange not to have to walk in with the kids. I don't know if it was because we were obviously with the graduation party or obviously caucasian. It was rap night and during the short time we were there it became apparent moonlight skates were not popular.

Today I heard from one of our old neighbors. She spoke to hubby for a bit and then me. I'm looking forward to seeing her next month though we didn't make any plans. Her dog, Grendel, was Zilla's girlfriend. They loved sleepovers and playing together. We were really sad when she moved away (even if it was just over to 6th Avenue) because sometimes she was the highlight of our day.

The ending to The Sopranos had me sunk into the couch, cringing with fear and tears in my eyes in anticipation of what would be coming. It never did and when the screen went to black I was able to breathe peacefully once more.

It's hard to believe. At 8:15pm on a Friday night I'm hom with dinner from Chipotle. I could get used to a "normal" schedule.

There have been a few new temps at work. The one helping me has been great. I hope they hire her on.

Not much more news on the house. I updated the flickr site with a few more pictures taken during the inspection. The shingles weren't there for us to pick out a color because the roofer that was lined up to re-do the roof said he doesn't work on Dutch Colonials when he came by the house. We're supposed to hear on the 10th about what the seller wants to do about the repairs.

Since we've been packing, a lot of dust has been flying through the air. I've had my hepa filter on but it's usually just at night. When I go to sleep the congestion in my chest just wakes me up. The last two nights I've ended up on the couch. My husband is so cute. He picks up the dusty books from the shelves, dusts them off outside and brings them back in.

I try to keep a positive attitude. Clutter is disappearing. We're getting a new start in a beautiful place.

I did a get a little sad this morning. When I woke up the first thing I did was stick out my arm. No wet nose or Corgi back was there to greet me. In a few weeks I'll be at the Ohio Corgi picnic. One breeder is bringing a pack of dogs. Four puppies and five adults. Two of the adults are available. Part of me wants to wait for us to have time to settle into a routine before we disturb it with another family member. Another part of me can't wait!

My friend from WI is in town for her sister's graduation so I'll get to see her sometime this weekend. We haven't seen each other since Vegas.

We didn't celebrate Memorial Day in the conventional sense.

As of this morning we are finally in contract for the house and spent much of the day cleaning/purging.

My husband set off the smoke alarm when he lit some lavendar incense, thus making me realize I am not prepared for such an emergency. When I smelled the incense I thought it was burning plastic.... We haven't had a fire extinguisher in several years - it's going on the "to buy for the new house" list.

It feels strange to be cleaning and not have my helper with me.

The weekends are the most difficult.

One morning I asked my husband, "Does it feel weird to you?" And his response said it best, "It all feels weird, doesn't it?"

I told my husband that we've lost the straight man to our jokes. But he still makes us laugh. Last weekend we picked up his ashes. Earlier this week I couldn't find a pair of jeans. I found them on Zilla's box and announced to my husband, "Zilla had them!"

The oncology office sent us a card with several pieces of paper with his paw prints. It was sweet and I'm so glad to have them. Yesterday another package marked Fragile arrived which we opened together. It's a green disk, probably clay, of his paw print and his name. It reminds me of the hand prints we did for my mother (that my sister-in-law still needs to give her).

With a straight face my husband said, "I didn't know Zilla was doing arts and crafts at the vet's office."

I just wanted to say thank you for the condolences on the loss of Zilla.

Now that it's been a few days without him it's getting a little bit easier to talk about him and celebrate his life. We know we'll get another Corgi at some point but we're not sure when. Both of us are worried the next one won't live up to Zilla. :)

Zilla lost his battle with cancer just a few hours after his 11th birthday at 1:01am on 4/6/07. This photo was taken a month ago in the front yard when the weather was really nice. He was a very sweet guy and I'll miss him terribly.

Zilla's vet visit went well today. He's gained about 2.5 lbs since last week. As usual everyone fussed over him. He loved the attention. Today they took some blood, cleaned some debris from his left ear and found an ouchie. Just underneath his chin buried under his fur was a raw area. What's odd is that it looks a little bit like the growth Zilla had in August that burst open. I think his tags are rubbing against it. Besides the huge left lymph node the right one got bigger.

This is probably why his jowls are pulling down. His swollen gums show that his body is trying to fight some kind of infection. The lymph nodes are the body's natural cleansing system of bad stuff and they're trying to work even with the cancer.

I think the vet visit was a good one. Zilla's feeling (and sounding!) better.

With this pet recall I've been looking into Zilla's diet a bit more. I bought him some Dick Van Patten's Natural Balance Eatables. The food is supposed to be good enough for humans to eat - the manufacturing facility meets USDA regulations. I bought him the Irish Stew which looked pretty substantial. He's also got a few cans of the Venison and Brown Rice food. Zilla's nose was orange after eating the food; he'd buried his nose in it to get every last bit. I'll probably end up getting him the dry food when he can eat it comfortably again and after he finishes his bag of Drs. Foster Smith food.

Yesterday I ordered a peanut butter cake for his birthday. He's 11 on Thursday.

I woke up early this morning to the sound of heavy breathing. My husband is beside me and Zilla is on the floor. I just listen. After a while I hear Zilla's body buck in his not-so-graceful manner when he gets up from his side. It's nearly time for the alarm to go off. Eventually it does and I don't hit snooze. I lie beside Zilla and ask if he wants on the bed but he just moves around in a circle before settling down in a comfortable spot. He watches me start to dress and when I open the baby gate he hops up with hope in his eyes.

Within a few minutes I return and set him free. He drinks two bowls of water before he's ready to go outside. His panting stops. Outside he does what he needs to do and all seems normal.

I reward him with a soft treat. When we are inside the apartment he lies underneath the doorway between the dining and family rooms. He ignores the sound of his breakfast hitting his food bowl. Zilla lies by the front door and keeps me company while I eat breakfast and watch the weather forecast.

From the bathroom I can see him in the bedroom. He is lying down and panting again. Later when I'm putting on my makeup I peek at him. The sound is so loud at first I can't tell if it's him or my husband snoring. It's Zilla.

Before leaving I talk Zilla into getting on the bed with my husband. He lets me rub his belly and accepts the hugs from my husband. When I leave the bedroom Zilla follows me and ends up in front of me. He stands at the top of the stairs.

"I'm going downstairs."
He moves closer.
"I'm still going downstairs."
He waits.
I stand beside him and step on the first step.
He bounces down the stairs, legs straight and beats me to the bottom.

Zilla escorts me to the back door.
"Do you have to pee?"
He runs forward. I clip his leash on and out we go. Back legs on the sidewalk, he braces his legs and barely makes his grassy target. I laugh at him.

We return inside and he begins to eat his breakfast.

In the car I realize I've forgotten my palm pilot. Since I haven't left the parking lot I return to get it. Zilla is waiting for me by the door. He follows me upstairs. Once upstairs he stays with my husband.

With all that heavy breathing I fully expect our vet will tell me I need to go to the emergency vet right away. His attitude is good - he's not complaining though I know he's uncomfortable - and he still wants food, it's just difficult to eat.

So Saturday morning we're just petting Zilla and hanging out when I notice he has this odd reddish-purple spot underneath his left front arm/leg pit. It looks huge. The regular vet told me to watch out for small purplish spots as it could indicate a clotting problem. It almost looks like Zilla's leg hit himself hard and gave himself a bruise but I can't be sure.

So I call the vet's office. And he's not there but his old-time partner is there and he suggests I call the emergency vet service since they'll know if it's oncology related. So I call there and speak to Kathy who transfers me to Chad. I tell Chad the story and he speaks with the staff emergency doctor. Chad calls me back and has me do a few things. I take Zilla's temperature (101.0) which is good. His gums are pink so I press them. They turn white and then pink again. The thing I was asked to do but couldn't really do it was take his pulse. I'm trying to count the number of beats for 10 seconds but I really can't keep track of two sets of numbers like that in my head. I came up with 8. I am sure it was wrong. So Chad calls our oncologist. I wait around for about 4 hours and then I get a call. The oncologist hasn't returned the page which is unusual but I know she's gone all of this week so Chad and I assume she probably went out of the town for the weekend too. (I wonder who watches her dog?) Chad advises me to bring Zilla in if he begins to bleed from his nose or if the bruise gets bigger.

Now the bruise is almost black and the skin there is really dry. Zilla has been panting more but he seems to pant the most when he's on his right side. Today we noticed his gum flaps are hanging down. I imagine it's the weight of his left lymph node. It feels even bigger than the other day.

My heart has been in a weird place since last night. I don't recall what sent me down this path. It may have been Zilla's left lymph node underneath his neck. To be honest, I haven't felt his lymph nodes in a while.

It's about the size of a silver dollar and hard like a billiard ball. I must have started to wonder whether or not Zilla was panting because it was obstructing his passageway. Strangely enough, the phrase, "Don't believe everything you read on the internet." hasn't applied when it comes to canine lymphoma sarcoma. Everything has been pretty spot on with what the oncologist and the regular vet have told me about the illness, the side effects and the uncertainty. The worst thing I could have done was read about people's experiences. It started the water works.

I've been caught up in making sure Zilla's needs are met and spending quality time with him. His 11th birthday is soon and I hope he'll make it. I've been pretty certain he would. My head accepts and knows the lymphoma or something related will kill him but I'm not ready to let him go.

This morning I received the results of his Tuesday blood tests. The normal white blood cell count should be between 6,000 and 17,000. Zilla was at 800. It's expected to be low due to his chemo but they'd really like it to be higher. I could do essentially nothing or I could provide him with a drug to stimulate the growth of his neutrophils (they attack the bad stuff in our bodies) by injecting it into his skin. The catch is that a minimum of 3 doses is required and it's $500 a dose. Either vet office could do it or show me how to give it to him. I think the cost is just too much for our bank account right now. He's been put back on a second antibiotic and the usual restrictions about keeping away from parks and other places where he could be exposed to colds and infections.

The good news is that while Zilla was a little tuckered out on Tuesday he's been perking up each day. His temperature has returned to normal. I'm supposed to keep tabs on him and keep checking his temperature. The oncologist is on vacation all next week but we'll see our regular vet on Tuesday.

Thinking far far into the future... if Zilla goes into remission and has a recurrence would I be willing to do all of this again? Absolutely. I couldn't have picked a better little guy to be part of my family and whatever I can do I will.

Hubby earned many points today. He found the most recent notarized copy of the marriage license. Passport papers will be on their way tomorrow!

I spent some time on the phone today playing tech support = almost four hours of mind-numbing PC help. Hubby took Zilla out to the front yard because it was such a beautiful day.

"I've never seen a dog enjoy the outdoors less." Apparently Zilla stayed on the porch facing the door the entire time waiting for me to join them.

I didn't get a nap today and it seems a little too late to get one now.

I feel a little bit stupid. You know when you have a day off and then you realize you should have done something? I should have gone to the movies last night just because I could do it at a reasonable hour.

Here's a funny thing from Thursday night. OSU played Tennessee and when we left my in-laws the game wasn't close. OSU was down by 20 points. At home, close to the end of the game, my husband turned on the computer room tv. OSU was catching up. At one point I asked how it was and was told it was tied. Not long after that I heard yells of victory coming from the front yard. My husband came into the bedroom and I told him I knew who won. He told me what happened and left the bedroom. I heard more yelling and whooping from outside and he returned. It was like everyone was whooping and hollering his entrance into the bedroom. ha ha

Zilla's chemo treatment went well last week. Our regular vet called Thursday to see if we had any questions about anything. He gets faxes on a regular basis from the oncologist. I love our vet. Zilla doesn't have to see the oncologist for another 2 - 3 weeks but he does need some bloodwork done. I called our regular vet's office on Thursday afternoon to make the bloodwork appointments. The vet tech who answered the phone was asking about Zilla and it made me cry. Zilla's been going there since we got him. One of the vet techs even named her kitten Catzilla after him. :) He's her favorite dog.

Maybe this weekend we'll get to watch some of the BSG series.

Today is more Jim Henson stuff at the Wexner Center. Family poker on Sunday has been cancelled with no new date set.

Last night I made a killer dinner that I'd been trying to make for the past two or three weeks. The recipe came from Real Simple for gnocci with sausage and spinach. I really need to go to The North Market more often for food. The Italian Sausage was so flavorful! I still have half the gnocci I bought. The recipe was for four people and I decided we were going to have too many leftovers if I made it all.

I seem to cook even less than I used to about three months ago which I miss. But I'm also not really giving dinner the thought I used to. I told my husband a while ago that if he didn't like what I bought while grocery shopping that he should do it from now on. Of course that didn't last and I still wind up buying junk but I buy a lot more organic items than before.

Yesterday I also got to add a few hundred words to a non-fiction piece. I'm dancing around where I want to be instead of writing it down. I can't figure out why.

About a week or so ago we watched the first Battlestar Galactica. I won't post any spoilers. :) It was my kind of show. We'll probably start the first season this week or next week.

Zilla's next chemotherapy treatment is tomorrow. He's had no side effects from the last treatment. In fact, he's taken to eating his pill pockets again (not refrigerated though) which is encouraging and it certainly makes it easier to give him his pills.

The dry cleaner down the street also does laundering. I dropped some things off last week. I forgot to mention some of the stains (like the hot bacon mustard salad dressing) but everything came out great. Some days I wish I could just give them all of my clothes to launder.

On the 23rd I had to make the decision whether or not Zilla should get the next drug in his treatment or use another one. It is a powerful drug but can weaken the heart. On more than one occasion the vet has heard a premature heartbeat but it's not consistent. I decided to do it. The lymph nodes had been smaller for several weeks and the vet considered him to be in partial remission.

The day his pink bandage was removed (the 25th) he stopped eating. It was weird. He was excited about his breakfast and doing a little anticipation dance. I set it down, he took a whiff, turned his nose and wanted nothing to do with it. We finally got him to start eating different foods again on the 28th. But what followed smelled horrible! Diarrhea for a week. With dry dog food finally came some relief for him (and us!). There was a water boil alert for our area because the water was cloudy. The health department recommended bottled water for the young, elderly, and those with compromised immune systems. Zilla got Aquafina treatment for a few days. Since eating dry food he's been a little piggy. Either the prednisone has kicked in or he was getting used to the three meals a day we were giving him to keep his weight up while he had loose stools.

Yesterday he had another chemo treatment. The good news is that his weight is up one pound. Just underneath his skin on the right side of his neck the vet found more lymphoma. He was given another strong drug but it shouldn't have the same heart weakening side effect. Even with the diarrhea he was in a very good mood last week. It's sometimes hard to believe a war between cells is going on inside him. The vet tech made me laugh when she said his treatment went perfectly; he was asleep the entire time.

Did you know a Corgi can be lassoed? I wish I had seen it with my own eyes. The vet uses slip leads for outpatient treatments. On the drive home my husband had some McDonald's which tempted Zilla into climbing into the front of the car. It wasn't really tempting so much as another excuse. Zilla always wants to be in the front seat; that's one reason why he usually travels in a crate. When Zilla got out of the car he'd slipped out of the lead and was running around the yard just out of my husband's reach. My husband was encumbered with his meal, his messenger bag, and the items given to him by the vet's office. Without giving it too much thought he started twirling the lead in the air and a Corgi was caught.

I accused Zilla of walking in the mud all weekend so we'd take his bandage off more quickly.