dogzilla30 (dogzilla30) wrote,
dogzilla30
dogzilla30
  • Mood: distressed

Sadness

On Sunday evening we were having a great time and I decided to tell my husband that since The Biggest Loser would be here on Wednesday (today) doing auditions I thought I'd take the afternoon off and try out. Really, I didn't think I would get on the show. I'd been thinking about it for a few days and it just seemed like it made sense to do something for me. For me! I try to be just about everything to my husband. I didn't even think about how much money I could win if I got on the show and made first place or was a runner-up in the people that were asked to leave the ranch early. The reaction my husband gave me was not the most enthusiastic, nonverbal and I interpreted it to be, "Oh, I can't believe she's even talking about doing this." I was really hurt. He tried to talk it out but I didn't want to. If I talked about it I would just feel really bad about myself. We did end up talking and over the following days I felt a lot better.

Driving home from work I got sad again. I'm not sure why. I found out today that one of the analysts on another team makes about the same or more than I do. Why? Because our department manager threw money at that entire team in order to get them to stay. The turnover in the last two years had been 100% and the customer complained. But the customer hasn't signed the contract that was supposed to be renewed over the summer. I think the customer should be given an ultimatum but if they leave then my department is likely to close. They're our largest customer right now. Since my boss took his job in May 2005 we've won no new business. Sure, we've had some increased business from our second largest customer but that's it.

It went away when my husband came home. He was just so happy to see me that it lifted my mood.

I've been depressed before so I know that's not what's happening.

We're applying for a car loan tomorrow. Wish us luck!
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