Tuesday I had my follow-up appointment with my gastro doctor. It didn't go quite as well as I had planned. The night before I had taken my pills with orange juice and went to bed with an upset tummy almost wishing I was having my old symptoms. They were at least predictable. Eat food. Go to the bathroom 90 minutes later. Expect to be there a while. All done. Now it's nausea at various times of the day, bloatedness, vomiting, full feelings, etc. It's unpredictable. It's not the same for everyone. My body isn't reacting to the medicine the way it did initially which means the inflammation hasn't gotten under control yet. I broke down and he let me have a good cry. I like to have control and my body is fighting me. I know I have a mild case but it's very frustrating. I want to be me. I don't want to be identified by this disease and have it obliterate my identity. It's going to become part of my identity eventually and because I'm exploring it and what it does to my body I can't do that just yet. We talked a little about the surgery and when the time comes I'll need a resection (or two actually) of my small bowel and will need to have an ostomy at the same time. The ostomy is a short-term solution to let the bowel heal from the surgery. My husband can't get his mind around how an ostomy works. No matter how many times I explain that the surgery connects the bowel to the outside of me and I'd have a bag/pouch attached to the opening to collect my body waste he doesn't get it. I don't know if I'm not explaining it well, or if it's something he's going to have a block about. He gets ill watching needles pierce the skin or when he watches medical procedures on tv. He and I both know that if we decide to have children through natural childbirth that he's not going to be in the room with me while it's happening. He'll pass out or be so grossed out he'd be ill the entire time. I know I'm on my own. I don't want to be on my own for this. I start the steroids in about a week. So I should bloat up, gain wait, get insomnia and have a huge appetite for about six weeks. Then I'll start on another medicine which will be determined after some test results get back.
I met my husband for dinner before we went to the movies and I knew before we decided on a restaurant that he'd comment, "I don't know what would be good for you." Sure enough, he said that and gave me a rundown of the restaurants within walking distance. Part of me thought he was being sweet because when I'm experiencing nausea I don't really want to eat much. We also haven't tried things at each restaurant for me to know what kind of menu variety I can eat. It's just like when our families started to find out. They wanted to know what I could eat. It's the question I heard constantly. Even my friends at work ask if when we go out if I can eat at "xyz" restaurant. The other part of me was rebelling against the idea that a disease would shape my identity. I did the same thing to him when his diabetes was diagnosed though so I can't get mad. I just wish that he'd do the things that he's supposed to do so he doesn't have to be on one or more drugs like I am to control his disease. I've stopped going out with people at lunch or just go out on my own so I don't have to hear the question.
We saw Tell Them Who You Are which just had me bawling at parts towards the end. Haskell Wexler, as he nears the end of his life, doesn't want to be known just for the work he did in movies. He also wants the world to know he's a father. He may not have always been a good father or the father that his son, Mark, needed but without doubt he loves his son. Being sensitive all day to my circumstances just let the water works flow that much easier. It was billed with The Loved One. It had one crazy cast. James Coburn, Rod Steiger, Milton Berle, Paul Williams, Tab Hunter and Liberace are just a few of the people in it. All of their parts were memorable. And over the top.
Today was most interesting at work. I met the woman who is taking over one of my teams. She gets my problem employee. The problem is that the problem employee applied for the job, didn't get it and thinks it is owed to her. The day after she found out she didn't get it she had to leave work early. Her eyes were red and tears were ready to spill when she asked if she could leave. I said sure, even though she has no vacation or sick time left. The next day when she returned she changed her signature. Before it just had her contact information. Now it has her contact information plus "Truth for the day: Words without the appropriate actions to back them up are nothing more than empty words." How passive aggressive is that? Yesterday I heard her drop the f-bomb while on the phone at work talking to one of her branch technicians. She then said the SOS team stands for Shit On a Shingle. In the meeting to introduce the team to the new manager one of her comments/questions was whether or not they would be getting raises. My manager let her know that if she didn't get the job that he would try to get her back in our department. By her current behavior, is it any wonder that he's now regretting his words? I organized her HR file that I had and when I reviewed all of the past reviews, counseling sessions, etc. there were two things that stuck out like a sore thumb. Her attendance and lack of professionalism have been constant issues. I even mentioned those things in her 2004 review not even reading any of the past ones. She's already looking for another job. When she calms down I'll let her know that if she interviews and comes across as caustic as she's feeling right now about the company that no one will hire her. No one. The new manager is really nice and I'm sorry that she's got an uphill battle with the problem employee.
I had HR call me and tell me that one of my new employees didn't pass the background check/drug test. She is such a nice person, seemed to really like the job and was fitting in on the team. She said it's not correct, broke out in tears, and said she'd never been fired before. I've fired people who knew it was deserved and she didn't act like she had done anything to deserve it so I believe her. Unfortunately, the policy can't be bent. She's going to contest the results with the company that did the testing.